2005-09-09 @ 10:47 a.m.

Ok so at the LAST minute i decide to go to Miami for labor day weekend. Booked an overpriced but still reasonable flight and bounced right after my bosses wedding on Saturday night...i got Tuesday off of work so that was good. My man was sick which i felt bad about because i was shopping with my mom and my bro and then off to miami so i couldnt really tend to him. But i was able to spend one night with him and make him some breakfast in the morning before my busy weekend began.

Backing up a bit... I hadn't heard from AX in a while after the flurry of emails and calls and reconnection of a friendship, suddenly there was nothing. He was supposed to call when he came up to NYC to pick up the rest of his sh*T from the apartment he abandoned. Alas nothing. Not surprising though.
I was, however, surprised to get a call from him the wednesday before the weekend telling me he was driving back to Miami from NYC (where he was only for a couple of hours....suuuuure) and was currently in NC. He asked if i was definitely coming to Miami for the weekend because he wanted to see me for "a cup of tea". I said sure. He said that we would work it out when i got there but to plan on seeing him.
Right before I got off the phone i made a sarcastic side comment about how his word means nothing when it comes to seeing him which he wasn't too pleased about and which was probably wrong on my part since he is suffering right now from the intricacies of his own mind. whatever.

so i get to miami and wait a while then give him a ring...leave him a voicemail...nothing....i musta left about 3 messages as nice as i could be over the course of my stay in miami...still....nothing.
i was heated. i mean truly pissed. how are you gonna call me and make plans but then not pick up your phone? asswipe.

my girls gave him the benefit of the doubt and told me to be easy on him as he is "mentally ill."
I had very little expectations the biggest of which was that I would indeed see him. I didn't intend to do anything with him except ensure in person that he was OK given all he's dealing with. And have one of our fabulous conversations. Beyond what some 3rd parties may believe, AX is someone who I believe in as a person. I fell for that yes in a state when things with me and my man were very rocky, but quickly realized mysef out of that. I still belive AX is someone i wish to have in my life for a long a friend.

I did not let this ruin my weekend as i knew not to have many expectations going into it.
Me and the girls tore Miami up!
The beach, the drinks on the beach, the blaze and the restaurants that is. My man was surprised to hear that we don't go out at night so much. We were so beat from the day we would pass out hella early.
It was good times until i lost my cell phone 5 min before i was supposed to hop my ride to the airport. I was bummed until my mom called this morning and told me some guy called her last night talking about how my cell phone mysteriously wound up on his front doorstep and will send my phone back. i thought that was nice but really bizarro considering i swore i lost my phone in my girls crib and that of all my contacts he'd call my mom. Nevertheless i am blessed to have found my phone and will therefore be incommunicado vocally at least until next week.

So back to AX, so I 've been told and know its true....i can be too nice and that i can't blame anyone but myself when i get hurt. But still I had a gift for AX for his bday that i planned on giving him so i sent it to him anyways today with a note "i planned on giving this to you when i saw you, but that didn't happen. oh well. happy birthday" inside was his old scarf and his favorite movie "Singing in the Rain" on DVD. Inclued was a card in which I drew a rollercoaster with a dude screaming and wrote:

"Life is a rollercoaster you must learn to enjoy it....
Here are 2 gifts to help u smile even just a lil bit.
The first is here- i'll give you a clue.
It's something you'll recognize just repackaged as new.
Now fresh and clean and soft to hold.
it'll come in handy if you come up to the NYC cold.
The second one you may already own.
But if you do you can exchange or keep the clone.
This is to remind you in this roadblock of pain....
that even in the heaviest of downpours,
you can still sing through the rain."

tell me that wasn't nice of me!? ugh i disgust myself.
whatever. my mom made me feel better by telling me that it was nice of me and that he will probably really smile because of it regardless of his inability to show it.

the good thing is my man's bday was fantabulous!!! he had a great night and i was hustling like a madwoman to make it extra special. He was surprised with every turn of a gift and the night was so nice with no cell phones to disturb. He's the best...and little does he know that he is a gift to me everyday. This year brought a lot of obstacles for us and i think having done long distance for 2 years having him local was tough and created a bit of a learning curve. I think we are finally getting the swing of things though and its really really nice. I find that I don't talk about my man a whole lot, at least not the nice things, as i like to keep those private for my mind to wander in untainted. But I will try to be better about that.

I'm blessed to have some great people in my life and truly fortunate for all the blessings in my life.
Thank you.

"The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions."
-Alfred Lord Tennyson

before | | after

FOUR ; design help by inez; hosted by meta