on the defense?

2005-03-11 @ 1:58 a.m.

Damn neear 5 times tonight I had to explain to different groups of people my perspective on life and what it has to offer. In doing so, I encountered a freind who got "dumped" after being in love in a rekationship for the last year and a half with a female that was his friends for years prior, due to race, and her family not accepting of his....a friend who's man she lives with tells her practically on a daily basis that she is chunky when in fact she is a size 1 only to try and make up for his tnconsiderate and untrue comments by buying lavish gifts for her and her accpeting that as an apology...a friend who's man cheated on her for 3 months without her knowledge only for her to find out when it surmounted in there being a question of paternity and yet she is still with him.

3 very differnt situations from each other and 3 very different from my own but hten again I have a very unique persepctive on life. And as i knock on wood I told some of my close friends tonight I have been fortunate to encounter some very wonderful men in my life unwilling to take advantage of a situation they very well could of for sake of a bigger and better thing, a friendship.

A double standard exists because we continue to perpetuate it. We place people in these boxes of societal stnadards and when they don't fit its perplexing beyond belief.

We no longer challenge orselves to think beyond the box, to give people the benefit of the doubt, or to reserve judgement until rightly due. I pride myself in this ability to still have faith. I am criticized for the faith i still have in people and in human nature, but I won't change it. Each person is a complex individual in a unique situation surounded by circumstance, how can we assume anything?

I gripe about my man at times but I'm so in love with him. He is a great person, no one is perfect but I've never had to (knock on wood again) experience any of the aforemtneionted. Sure he's not quite the most emotional, but he tries, no the most conversational, but he tries, do i question his love for me? nope not at all. is that what really matters, yup. Again each person is so complex, it is an unrealistic expectation to believe that another person as complex as they are too will share and match up prfectly to all the facets that make up who you are. The more you grow together, the more you do just that, or not, but its the more you grow independently and as a unit that you see how many pieces to the puzzle match. After all it is truue that it is those you love the most that have the ability to make you feel the most hurt. And it is much easier to share the hurt than it is the joy because it is the joy you want to keep sacred and the hurt you need console.

I give him, contrary to what many others may believe, because it doesn't fit their model of what a relationship should be, 110% of myself. I may give my full attention to others but they are only getting a fraction of that self. He allows me to have this very unique view on life and I embrace that privilege.

It's hard for me to censor myself, I try to be honest, I try to express how I feel at all times, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I do try and experience life. With that comes the ability to accept new people into my life, learn from them, grow from my experience with them and take that bac to my current relationship as a complement. It feels as though I come under attack every time I express this view to others. I have to defend my passionate side. But I am a passionate person, doesn't it say something that I can recognize that? I am afterall dubbed "the passion peach."

There is a reason why the theme for this year was picking strawberries. You have to live each moment to the fullest...you never want to look back and have regrets, I have seen too many people close to me incredibly upset at their actions or moreso lack thereof (hence my motto: I do not regret the things I've done, but those that I did not do)...there is a reason why marriage is reserved until both parties are ready because it is not until they are whole with themselves til they can form the double circle that signifies infinity. Not enough people take that seriously anymore...it's really unfortunate, too many epople just want the ideal but not willing to work on themselves to work for "it."

I'm rambling cause I'm drunk.

BUt, I am astonished and a lil disheartened to be honest at how many times tonight that shit came under the firing squad- sometimes in the form of a welcomed healthy discussion others in the guise of judgement, nontheless it seems I was able to convey an outlook that most never pondered and now maybe slightly accept.

Does that make sense?
Love is still love!! And love, in all shapes and forms is one of the most amazing feelings and experiences ever.


Latin of the day: "pro meritis" = "deservedly"



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