love actually

2004-12-02 @ 3:27 p.m.

Love is a beautiful thing. It comes in many different forms, for some the strongest exist between family. For others its those that become family becase of love that creates the strongest bond.

I hold family to an extremely high regard. As big as we are, some of which I just met recently, there is a bond that is understood. That through the bickering, through the words laced with petty jealousy, at the root of it all is an innate love. And, when something tragic occurs, that love unfolds tenfold. Working almost like an underground secretive comglomerate, family comes immediately from all directions to show their love in every way possible.

So it is not my "duty" to put myself out of my way to help out my family who I may not have seen in years, it is my honor. I am honored and blessed to have a family, including those not by blood, that have given so much love.

I realized a lot when my father passed, its an indescribable feeling. I'm at peace with it but it was without a doubt one of the hardest most hurtful things I've ever had to deal with. And in that time I realized who truly deserves to be closest to me. I also realized the strength within me, my mom, and my brothers.

Its funny how others question my actions for others, be it friends or family, and actually call it an inconvenience. But, to try and give the most minute display of love and strength back to those who have given so much in so many ways is gratifying feeling.

And, then there are those who I inherently kno may not have ever been given the love that they deserve as a good human being, and in that case, without waiting for them to give, I try to shower them with love, with attention, in hopes that one day they will learn to give it back, not necessarily to me, but to themselves, to others, to those that never had but should have shown it to them.

Now, some may view this as selflessness, and tell me to learn to be more selfish.

Others view this in itself is a selfish act due to the fact that is so gratifying for me.

I'm not quite sure how I view it. But, I know I do view it as an honor rather than a call of duty. And, although I have my moments of weakness, there is always a bit of srength left to give those that need it the most.

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