a short walk

2006-10-09 @ 11:44 a.m.

Had a good time this weekend catching up with 2 friends that I've kept in contact with but who were reuniting for the first time in years due to an incident involving shadowy sexual relationships with friends, lovers, etc.
Anyways we danced the night away at the Canal Room on Saturday after watching our boy Akil perform.
Ran into more friends from old times and a good time was had by all.

My one friend is getting married in July. I am the maid of honor which, while an honor yes, I was completely surprised by as I'm not that close with her. She keeps telling me she doens't have girlfriends though. Hmmm - side thought does that mean i have include her in my wedding party? total segue but maybe i wont do the traditional type. Anywyas...she is marrying her high school sweetheart who was the victim of said shadowy sexual relationships but i guessed it all worked out in the end since there is a nice diamond on my friends finger now and they just got a dog.

We had conversations - involving love - sex - friendship - history and the past vs. the future. The funniest question was �Wait, last time I saw you, you were still a virgin! I want details.� I laughed in somewhat disbelief that it had been that long as I couldn�t even remember when my girl was a virgin.

As we talked and caught up on each other�s lives my one friend surprisingly hit it on the head with my situation and my feelings about it when she said �I don�t know what you should do and this situation sucks but if you never get back with �ex� � never give him another chance then you�ll never know if he is now what you always wanted him to be.� Sigh. I still linger in a state of confusion but feeling a bigger clearing in my overall wellbeing now that i finally have my place to myself.

When the engaged friend left my other girl and I watched �The Departed� - great movie.
I chose to walk back rather than take the offered ride. I bought some cheap pants at the Gap - 2 for 1 special - actually it was 2 for cheaper than 1 if that makes any sense. They are my new favorite types of pants because my ass won�t fit into much else without a feeling of discomfort.

Tower Records is closing which is kinda crazy cause its like a staple of the Upper West side - didn't cop anything there � I really wanted Little Mermaid on DVD which they didn�t have - but it was a nice browse anyhow.

Then walking home I ran into a friend from work. She's 40something and we've always gotten along real well. So i detoured and hung out in her place for a while. (interjected note - for some reason i feel like i am writing in bygeorge's voice - haha) Anyways we talked about her move to LA which was supposed to happen by end of Dec. The plan was she was going to leave her Exec. position here which she lately has been detesting then move to LA to be with her man of a year and a half. Turns out he�s being a prick and not giving her the emotional support that she needs to uproot her east coast life to move across the country. I listened and sat completely understanding where she is coming from at the same time wondering - wow - is this how it is going to be for me 20yrs. from now? Am i ever going to feel like I have my shit together? Here i am 25something talking to a woman 15yrs older - who is truly well established - great title - good pay � beautiful - super sophisticated - and at the same time is asking me and asking herself the same shit I ask myself every day "What do i want to do when i grow up?"

Man that was a bit of a reality check if that explains at all my dumbfoundedness yet at the same time clarity of the fact that we all go through it - even the people we think have their shit together.

So her and I shook on it. We shook on the pact that she and I will get our shit together -our �60sec. soundbyte� as she calls it by the end of Oct. of what we want to do with our lives and then start putting our shit out there.

Then I went home, ate leftovers, watched Desperate Housewives which is truly desperate these days. I stayed up to complete my tv fix by watching my dvr'd Grey's Anatomy where i watched Meredith Grey who is fabulously dating 2 men who are both in love with her and who know about each other yet are willing to share her til she can decide. I sat there on my couch which lately I have no desire to move from shaking me head talking to the tv "that is not reality. yeah right. that shit doesn't work like that in real life."

In this case art does not mimic life so can that please mean that my life can mimic art - just as it relates to my love life? whatever happened to dating!?

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