por favor

2005-04-21 @ 2:35 a.m.

Nope. I can't F8cking do it. I can't/ Since when has professing your love to someone been a crime? whatthe f*ck? is it really true taht its better to have experienced love vs. never have ? i don't know so much anymore. cause when you experience that lvoe.... its amazing...so unbelievably amazing the connection- that energy- everything- that everything- f*cking EVERYTHING! is pale in comparison. and you can't get that love back. you can't. its lose lose. ERRRRGGGHAAAAHHHHH. its late...im wasted for the first time in weeks. and FCk alcohol and its depressant qualities. this shit is the worst i'm just glad to be cognizant enogh to recognize the effects of this liquid. "its times like these that i think you are better off being with someone else...someone more emotional...someone that can express themselves" you knw what i said to that? F*CK YOU! if you feel those emotions, if you truly feel them then why can't you express them? is it a control issue? is it a self-inflicted power trip? get over yourself. I find myself thinking about him all the time. its ridiculous. i want to call him up and just be like dont you see how beautiful our connectino is? F8ck the real world! F8Ck reality! don't you want to see what could be even in the least bit?do i cross the line of friendship to express feelings he already knows to be so true, so extablished, so mutual? i can't stand it. you can't win this shit you can't its all a matter of how much are you willing to compromise to be happy . thats all that is. one wants you but not willing to express what it takes to fulfill you. the other holds back in fear ofhis honest want for you and the implications int he so called real world.
---------- damnit the world is only as real as you make it. --------
right now my work life and personal life are mimicing one another. take a monotonous life that you've grown comfortable to...a routine you expect...a manageable existence filled with wonderfulness then all of a sudden take a world of shit and dump it on your lap and be told that you have to make sense of it.
i love this earth and this life but damn all this complication---im stuck...i mean right now at this exact moment....am i simply complicated? or just complicatedley simple? someone? anyone ? please? ppppplllllllllleeeeeeaaaaaasssssseeeeee.

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