a italia

2004-07-15 @ 2:15 p.m.

Randomness....its been a while. of course.

I'm compelled to write cause I've been thinking about an email I got a couple months ago;

"...How's every little thing? I hope it's going well. I was watching the 25th anniversary edition of Scarface last night and I thought of you. The only girl I know who thinks she's tough enough to be Tony Montana."

That shit made me smile when I got it . Since then its been my little gem I would pull out at work every now and again when I got annoyed at people.

I first saw this guy, BB, freshman year in college when my underage self would frequent the DC club scene. He always caught my eye from across the dance floor as cheesy as it is its true. He was a built guy, mixed, w/ light green eyes, and an olive complexion. He looked good. But being the proud chick that I am I never would have approached him...and never did.

We ran into each other 3-4 times that freshman year until finally he spoke. It was over. He was intelligent, caring...a gentleman. An engineering/religious history double major as well as a QB on the football team at a local pretty academically rigrourous university. DAMN. We would wax poetic on the ancients for hours. He was too nice though. I don't know what my problem was. From then, we would go in and out all thru college.

I found my man in college, the love of my life, but BB, like the others including my french boy and a couple more at that time I am sure I will get to one day, always held a special place.

Our last intimate encounter was junior year...me and my man had been on the breaks for a while and during that time I would stop by BB's dorm across town for one of my many surprise visit break in the studies. A couple of months later, me and my man were on the brink of getting back together and after all this time BB and I spent together, BB wanted a relationship. I couldn't be BB's girl while still have a good conscious.

He walked me to my car. My car was one of the last left on the lot and as dark as it was, the moon was so bright. It was so hard to leave. I loved spending time with him. He brought it back to Buddhist times in an effort to keep me from going. He left me with an old Buddhist story that as much as I have laughed at it I've always kept it with me.

"Once there was a man in a forest who was getting chased by a lion, he ran and ran until he reached the edge of a cliff. He looked down and saw another lion waiting for him. Running out of options he jumped onto a tree brach just below. He thought he was safe but looked up to find a monkey chewing the branch off. Realizing his impending doom he turned his head in dismay. He saw a fresh, ripe strawberry wihtin his reach. He plucked it and savored it."

Now as corny as this is, the conversation continued as below:

BB: Do you know what the moral is?

Me: No. (looking perplexed due to the randomness)

BB: It means, don't run from your past, don't hide from your future, just focus on the present and the reward is far greater.

Me: (Looking at him blankly)

BB: This moment is that strawberry, why keep running? Why can't we just enjoy this? (He knew all about my situation, he knew how what he was saying was hurting)

Me: I can't, you know I can't. >

He looked upset. We kissed. He held me so tight. I left.

That was it. I only heard from him after that one day a year...on my birthday. Out of the blue I would get a message "just thinking of you on your day..."

By then I was too wrapped up with my man.

When we did use to see each other, BB always told me that he was going to get a motorcycle. He stopped by one day before he was leaving for Sicily where he was stationed by the Navy to be an engineer officer.

He pulled up on his brand new bike, he looked so good. A part of me really wanted to jump on and bounce...but i couldn't.

He's in Sicily now. It had been two years since that day until I got this email. He knew me so well. He thought I was crazy, a free spirit refusing to be held down, in his own words, "Has the 'man' put a leash around your neck or are you still as crazy as I remember (and that's pretty freakin' crazy)?"

I wrote him back but havent heard from him. He told me he was up to go to Iraq but wouldn't know when. I thought he had left, until today.

"Ciao bella!...So how do you occupy your time these days? I can't imagine you being a work-a-holic. I imagine you're too easy-going for all of that. Been down to DC lately? It feels like forever since I've been to good old DC. I bet I wouldn't recognize the place now. I hope to make it back that way fairly soon. I may even try to come back before the end of this year. Maybe if you're around we could get together. Or you could just make the big jump across the Atlantic again."

Maybe just maybe I will make that far jump again across the Atlantic....

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