i need to go to bed

2004-05-14 @ 1:33 a.m.

"...I dont know what to say, as we live so far from each other, except that I really had a very good time with you, and that I hope to see your beautiful smile again (hope thesmile will be for me!)... I was very lucky that you sat next to me in that NY bus, it gave me the chance to know a beautiful philipino-german-"another country" girl (I mean business woman). Say thanks to Greyhound for me..."

I like talking to random people...forging relationships out of a chance meeting. After all, coincidences are much more than mere coincidences. I met this guy, we'll call him C, on a bus to NY 3 years ago. The seat next to him was the only one left on the bus. I was in college coming up to visit my girls and he was on an international internship in DC as part of his french business school visiting his brother in NYC. Hung out with him twice and spoke on the phone with him once since he left the states 3 years ago. However, he has somehow found enough energy in him to send me a note in whichever country he was in next...a postcard from the Philippines, a letter from France, emails from Bangkok, Nepal, China... The list goes on and that is what amazes me. I was so not as cool as I coulda been to this dude in the weks following our meeting in DC, our interests were different, there was a bit of a language barrier, I was caught up in the ridiculousness of college, and to be quite honest I found him annoying sometimes as I was the only person he knew in DC for a while...so why oh why was he kind enough to keep in touch with me??

Anyways I 'reunited' with him when I was in Paris 2 weeks ago. Walking down the steps of the hotel to see him, I had wierd knots in my stomach, expecting a very awkward situation but damn oh damn if he didnt turn out to be the handsomest, kindest, attractive, genuine, gentlemanly person I've ever met. I made it a point to let him know this last night in my drunken stupor via email and noted how I didn't pay attention, appreciate or treat him as I should have years ago, and above is what he wrote me.

He was with us every second he had available in the day to show us around Paris. And by the last night, I was caught. Maybe it was the mixture of the candlelight, the wine, and the accent...or maybe it was the innundation of words and sincerity I haven't heard or felt in a minute...regardless everything felt so right. I was so much myself...so comfortable.

Needless to say I was caught like a fish outta water. I was the salmon swimming down river. But, why?

He didn't even need to respond with as nice words as he did since I truly made an ass outta myself in my email to him. But, he broke it down for me...he is there and I am here. I never even entertained the idea of what could be if we were in the same place until he told me this. I could have let him have me in my entirety when I was there that last night, the moment was right...it was late, raining, we were on our third bottle of red wine and found ourselves completely engrossed in each other. So, why did I pull away? Why couldn't let the moment be?

Deep down I know why but damn. I love my man and we've been through soo much but sometimes he can be extra comfortable, taking me for granted and just not realizing. Maybe thats why I got so caught up when I was away from it all and being told some of the most beautiful words I've ever heard. Love is a strong ass thing, whatever the heezy it is.

As i contemplate this, the words of my girl "bygeorge" reassure me.... "we'll always have Paris." With that said I will let the hopeful continuation of notes and emails from C brighten my day.

Ok let me get my head outta the Care Bears stomping ground and refocus. I'm up this late 'cause I'm trying to get my place presentable. Following Tac's lead I'm doing something I truly enjoy and haven't done in a very long time...I'm having a bit of a party at my crib tomorrow night. Now, my place is not that big so it should be interesting how everyone gets comfortable and being that theres an eclectic group of friends...work, college... random people that will be in a small space together I will enjoy the much welcomed observation time.

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