Spontaneity?

2004-04-12 @ 6:30 p.m.

i haven't written in a while...i have roadrunner now at the crib with a new Mac passed to me as a bitter-sweet gift. So, now as I am at home sick, I write.

Now, I may go days without writing but I still read every single updated entry thats on my buddylist.

I'm not sure if I just have nothing to say or if I lose my train of thought far too quickly for my typing fingers to keep up.

I'm tired.

I don't really want to go to work tomorrow. All I can do is plan my trip to Europe...specifically London, Amsterdam, and Paris. I am too excited, it was gonna be me, Meta, and Bygeorge but since I've reminded ms. meta of the obvious, she will instead be following her heart back to the island...and good for her. Meanwhile bygeorge and I are memo'ing it up with all the planning. I've booked my flight and damn near everything else but still have no passport. Mind you, I leave in a week and a half. Oh well...this is how I do it. Fly by the seat of my pants I guess.

Meanwhile my man is up here, was supposed to leave today but instead is staying for the rest of the week/weekend...not quite sure. I don't mind actually, as messy as he is, he got me soup last night and cleaned my kitchen this morning (not a pretty sight) without even asking. We are going to a press event on Wednesday for his new full-time job, which if I didnt mention, is here in NYC...meaning therefore that he will be moving up here, for real for real in June.

It's funny how things happen. Been doing the long distance thing for 2 yrs now in June. NYC to DC and back. Now his boy is kicking everyone out his house including my man at the end of May and coincidentally at the same time his freelance job became full-time. "They" say, and anyone that has read the Celestine Prophecy says, that there is no such thing as a coincidence...but what else could you call it?

Anyways, I've been helping him look for a new place and he is quickly finding out that the NYC real estate market is no joke expecially since he wants to purchase. It's been a lot of fun...exhausting, but fun.

I guess I'm a little scared. It's funny how as spontaneous as I like to be and try to be, change can really scare the shit outta me. We've gotten so used to the dedicated 2-3 days of seeing each other every week or two that how will him being minutes away rather than hours change the dynamic?

We have been through a shitload of shit. And i mean SHIYT. But it's days like these as he washes my dishes and comforts me that no matter how frustrated I get that he cant make my bed or answer a fucking question without acting like its an interrogation or he just straight starts PMS'ng that I realize that no one is ever going to be exactly like you. No one person will ever know what exactly you are thinking, and that is the key, communication. No one person can ever know the expectations you hold in your mind, let alone live up to them and thats the hardest thing to remember and the biggest disappointment you are capable of bringing upon yourself.

He is he and I am I. and THAT is why it works.

Through my headache, sore throat and aching body, I am smiling.



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