speaking the truth?

2003-02-11 @ 1:35p.m.

i'm not feeling so hot today hence i'm procrastinting my work to do some leisure reading and writing...so its been a while i guess...and i'm not sure if i can ever really get used to this.

i had a diary once, or actually a journal as I preferred to call it (diary is another one of those words I never did like).

Anyways that journal got written in every blue moon and even when I really had stuff to write, when something was really twisting my thoughts into knots, I could never put it down on paper.

My true feeligs and inner most thoughts will never be placed in writing. I suppose it some sort of self-guarding mechanism. If I did then all my feelings would just be out there, vulnerable, with the fear that it won't be so private anymore and that somebody would actually read them and in turn be able to read me. And I'm not so sure how comfortable I would feel with someone being able to do that.

i guess I have always found comfort in the fact that people have always told me I possess an enigmatic quality of sorts. That, trying to figure me out is usually a task. And i like that in others. Probably why i love intrigue, the word, the definition, the feeling.

I definitely have become more open in the years and willing to let people in is a result of circumstance. But, I just don't know how "true" these written thoughts will ever really be. I will try.

"The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet."

-Aristotle

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